was running a temperature in office today..then my nose was like rudolph..and because i was sneezing non stop, my eyes were teary thanks to the contact lenses..haha...but that all happened b4 my medium rabbit stepped into office..when she came in, she saw me and said.."eh small rabbit..why you crying?? haiyohs.." then i was like.."huh?? not crying lars..juz sick..hehe.." oh mans..wth lars..why should I be crying?? lolz..
oh yeah...met up with rongs for lunch..and she brought a special guest lars..tot he didn't go to school..hehe..didn't know wor..sorry arhs..& yeap..thanks for the treat! (:
was feeling a little down in office..thinking too much..thanks to someone..hahaha..anywayz, i tot of this lars..juz some feelings that i tot should pen down so that i'll remember..hehe..
the sun never shone to begin with. waking up in the middle of the night, drenched in tears, remembering that the nightmare frightening me to conscioudness was the better of the two, a tortured reality. However perverse, I sought comfort in it, for I knew the charade could not end so easily. The knowledge haunting me no end, welling up inside of me. The feelings I hide even till now, the mask of falsehood welded to the flesh of my visage. It was then that i knew what had to be done, and for once in my life, directions and destination mattered not - they were accounted for - and nobody would be able to stand in this path.
Lost, wandering
Endlessly I fall
Grasping at walls
Smooth to the touch
Yielding me no grip
No hold
No support
Until the endless reality
Swallows me whole
I cannot feel
I cannot think
I do as my body commands
Deaf to my conscience
Deaf to the cries
Deaf, finally
To the endless litany of lies
Truly fake
Hours on end
I watch the sky
Infinite it seemed
To this fool's blind eye
Reaching for the heavens
An immaterial dream
Yet shackled where I stand
Bound to this earthen realm
Unable to fly
Unable to cry
Broken I stand
Weighted by lies
Breaking free
To stand my ground
Tearing apart
These will-wrought bounds
I know for once
In this forsaken life
I have a choice
I see the light
And finally
I'll be able to fly
Able to cry
Free..
I told rongs..I've been trying to bury myself in work these few days. All because I was thinking too much. I had no choice..No Courage, for fear I might end up like history.
She asked me.."so you've left everything behind you and stepped forward, and gone ahead with your life?"
"I don't know..its difficult to let go..until you find someone else worthy of taking over that place in your heart.."
But of course I know there'll be no end unless I personally put a full stop to it. Thatz when I've really given up. A new year with a new start and a new beginning. Stop thinking melinda. Put it behind and get on with your life.
Easy to say..but its only possible if someone else is able to find that key to the lock in my heart. Until then, it contains only 2 people.
aBoUt LoVe..
6:16 PM.
