sat through a seminar on divorce today..
a really mind engaging seminar full of evidences to support their claims and hypotheses..
it made most of us think about our current relationships..because this is the road to marriage..
so..how to improve?? what to do??
an important point which prof brought up struck me hard..
"The longer the courtship, the more likely a couple will stay married."
Sounds logical isn't it? BUT..time is not everything..
it is the phase of marriage preparation that is most important to ensure the survival of a marriage amidst other things..
talk so much about holding hands and watching movies..PROF says its NOT ENOUGH and if you're currently doing just that, probably you should consider communicating with each other..
Children...a motivator for a marriage to remain intact...but so what?? after they grow up, a divorce is still filed..
Children raised in intact families have the best chance of developing into competent, successful adults. Children from failed marriages will not do well and will fall into the same pit as their parents. However, if there is a social structure of support, this will change. Divorce is a 3 generation thing if such social structure is not available to the children.
Children look for role models - people they think are successful in life and model after them. Males from failed marriages especially should search for a good role model in life so that their marriages will be successful.
Motivators for marriage - couple of reasons were cited by prof for a intact marriage:
1. Romantic Love and the want to start a family
2. Long courtship which i mentioned earlier
3. Support from parents and in-laws
4. Attitudes towards marriage and divorce -> (+)ve to marriage; (-)ve to divorce
5. Work schedule
6. Spending quality time together (Communication)
7. Young children - you want to bring out the BEST in them. They add value to a marriage, forming a family.
8. Marry for self and not for others - because you LOVE that person, not because your parents say so
Let me elaborate more on work schedule. Their study found that if the partner works OT on a weekday, it's OK. But should he/she work on long weekends coupled with business trips, this impacts marital outcomes. Reason being, weekends are perceived to be family time. Therefore, if you're not around on weekends, it means you've not fulfilled your duty for the family.
In addition, with modernisation, women's statuses are changing. With increased education and modernised work, women expect more from their partners. Compared to the past, instead of finding a partner to fulfil their economic needs, we're now looking for partners who can value add to our lives. Increasing expectations of our partners lead to increase divorce rates because our partners are unable to meet these demands.
interesting isn't it??
aBoUt LoVe..
11:19 PM.
